The Hardest Way To Remember In English
by newsyd
Summary: It was a long time ago, but sometimes at night when she woke up, when she was alone and when she missed him, she heard them, these words pronounced by her superior: " Lieutenant Commander McGarrett is reported MIA", reported missing... Steve was reported missing!
1. Chapter 1

_**A bit about myself: I am fanfic's fan, I read a lot of them and I write too. **_

_**I wanted to try with Hawaii 5-0 because I don't find what I'm looking for, about Steve and Catherine, their first meeting, how they known each other for so long and since when... it's time to change that...**_

_**It's not finished yet but I've already wrote a great part of the story.**_

_**It's a test... A small preview, just to see if you like it! **_

_**Enjoy and feel free to review...**_

_**One last thing, English isn't my 1st language, and I don't have a beta (but if you want... tell me!)**_

_**Hawaii 5-0**_

_**The Hardest Way To Remember...**_

_**Chapter 1**_

_**Six years ago...**_

_**USS ENTERPRISE - September 19th, 2006**_

She had taken her place at dawn and a faintness had invaded her, an ice-cold shiver, a knot in her stomach which had become intensified all the morning, until the Admiral called her. When she had seen his face, his grave air, she had understood.

The words that his superior had pronounced at this moment had remained burnt in her head forever.

She had suppressed a sob, he had suggested that she had a break, but she had refused, she had taken back her place, she was a soldier, she had a mission, there was no place for feelings, and she had kept all this pain locked deep in her heart.

**H 5-0**

_**USS ENTERPRISE - September 21st, 2012**_

It was a long time ago, but sometimes at night when she woke up, when she was alone and when she missed him, she heard them, these words pronounced by his superior: " Lieutenant Commander McGarrett is reported MIA", reported missing... Steve was reported missing!

**H 5-0**

It was rare that she finds herself in her office's superior, the ensign who had welcomed her, had said that he would be late, and that she could sit down waiting for him.

She was lost on her thought, her eyes fixed on the horizon, and early this morning, the sky had mixed with the ocean, she had thought a lot, and she had made a decision, the most important of all her life, the most difficult too, and it had taken time, almost 10 years, or a little more...

" Lieutenant? "

Mentally, she remembered every moments which had led her here today, it was a particular date, it was 6 years ago, already 6 years...

" Lieutenant? "

And then very soon, she would have the choice to enter on another ship, and she didn't want to make it anymore, she didn't want to stay far away from all which had mattered for her, she had felt that she had made the good decision, her decision!

" Catherine? "

She jumped, lost in her thoughts, she hadn't heard the Admiral called her three times. He invited her to sit down, he took the place behind his desk.

" Are you sure that it's what you want to do? "

She shook her head, no, she wasn't sure about that, but on a second thought, she knew that she couldn't stay far away from the one who made beat her heart, and who had changed everything in her life.

" Yes! "

**H 5-0**

_**Iraq - September 19th, 2006**_

Everything had arrived so fast, it had been taken in an ambush, many of his friends, as him, had been caught in the crossfire, they had fought, many had fallen and suddenly, a terrible pain had seized him, he couldn't breathe any more...

Their captain had called the other teams, those who were the closest, hoping a fast arrival of their part, they couldn't hold the position for a long time, if they couldn't come to help them.

It seemed that the time was slowing down, that they were there for hours, when a helicopter, then two, then three had arrived on the scene, while he had managed to get closer to the place of the extraction, he had felt a pair of hands pulling him behind, the face he had crossed at this moment wasn't the one of his team-mates, he had been trapped, he had closed his eyes, had thought of his father, Mary, and Catherine... Catherine...

He had seen the three helicopters had disappeared.

Then he had lost consciousness.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Thanks to: NYR88 - sym64 - An3 - narwhayley - Ircam - dinozzo007 - lanteaddicted (and the other) to review or simply read the story.**_

_**Don't forget that English isn't my first language.**_

_**Hope you'll love this part.**_

_**Enjoy.**_

_**Part 2**_

_**Five-0 - HQ - September 21st, 2012**_

Kono had looked at Steve, he was in his office, lost in his thought, he had seemed tired and tightened.

She had questioned Danny: " Do you have an argument this morning? "

He shook his head.

" No, when I picked him this morning, I noticed something unusual, he was so quiet along the road, he was very silent, I don't know what happened! "

Steve had put his hand on his shoulder and had grimaced. He closed his eyes and sighed, 6 years already!

He had took his phone, had dialed her number, then had hung up, he had never call her, it was a sort of "birthday" certainly a little bit particular, she had had to think of it like him today, but the events which had put them closer this day were still hurt like hell, nevertheless they had never spoken about it, and she had never answered his question, things had so badly turn that they had preferred to forgot to think, that, that day, they had been within an ace of never seeing each other again and build this particular bond which had only been strengthening all these years!

He had took his phone again, had composed her number again and waited to fall on the answering machine.

Kono who had approached, heard him whispered: " I miss you so much! "

She turn her head to Dany and told him: "Is there a problem with Catherine? "

Danny raised his shoulders, it had been a long time since her last permission, and he hadn't tried to question Steve on this subject, but he remembered that at the same day for two years now, Steve had took one day off and had spent it locked in his house the entire day, before coming back at work the next day as if nothing had happened.

The first time, he had thought that he had wanted to be alone, it was just after his father's death, the second time, it was after being hurt in prison, he had needed some rest, and this year, Danny had forgot that Steve had wished to have a break.

Danny had followed Kono in her office.

" Can you try to find something about a military operation which would have badly end in the same date as today a few years ago? "

It wasn't long for Kono to find out: " There had been something, in Iraq, 6 years ago but I have no real explanation about the case, it's classified! "

**H 5-0**

_**US ENTERPRISE - September 21st, 2012**_

At first, she hadn't believed it when he had called to tell her that he had accepted the post that the governor had proposed almost two years ago, and it was a fact that he had a great team and that the results were more than convincing. He had proved that he hadn't left far behind all the training that he had received and there were quite a lot of techniques of his passage to the SEAL.

She had shivered at the memories about this period, why this year, why today, why now, what had happened 6 years ago had made her so nervous, that had never happened before, they had never evoked the facts, it was a tacit agreement, but this year it was different, she came back and he didn't knew it, she had made an important decision and he didn't knew it, and, still she hadn't answered his question yet and she had intended to do so, but since a few hours, she had a bad hunch.

In the plane on his way to the island, she had had enough time to think, to remember, of him, of her, of them.

Annapolis, it was 17 years ago, it was her first year, it was his last one, all the girls of her unit had spoken about him every day, and it was true: he was charming, had this marvelous blue eyes, but he was also too serious, too silent, and also very alone... He spent all of his permissions at school, he had never went back home, the only visit which he had, sometimes, was one of an instructor of the SEAL, Lieutenant Commander Joe White, some people said that he was his uncle, she didn't know more about it!

That year, in spring, she had stayed, her parents were far from home, she didn't want to go, and she provoked their meeting, something magic had passed between them and they hadn't left each other since that day.

Even if they spent a lot of time away from each other, they always tried to find a few days to see each other, he had served 3 years on Enterprise and had left her when she had arrived, 6 years with the SEAL, 5 years for Naval intelligence.

When he had evoked the possibility of joining the SEAL, she had panicked, it was so dangerous, he put his life perpetually in danger, and every time her superior called her, she was afraid, expecting almost every time some bad news.

She was her next of kin, the 1st person to be warned as soon as there was a problem, and there had been a lot problems during 6 years.

**H 5-0**

_**Annapolis-in September 19th, 2006**_

Joe White was in briefing when his mobile had begun vibrating, by taking him out of his pocket, he already had understood and had gone pale. A heavy silence had filled the room usually so noisy, all raised a glance towards him, Joe had apologized and left the meeting room.

He had taken a profound inspiration, he had simply forgotten to breathe, his interlocutor had spoken about a thing that he already had suspected, he had a bad role here, to contact his friend, John, Steve's father and to phone Catherine who had already knew.


	3. Author's Note

_**Author's note...**_

_**I really need a beta...**_

_**Who can do this for me?**_

_**Thanks**_

_**Syd**_


	4. Great news

Great news, the 3rd part is on its way...

I'll finish my translation today, someone will fix the grammar and spelling errors for me, as I'm not a native English writer, and I'll post the story very soon!

Sorry for the delay!

Stay on your guards!

Sincerely,

Syd


	5. Chapter 3

_**Note: I need to tell you something: unfortunately, I don't find a beta to read my story, so grammar and spelling errors are up to me!**_

_**Like another writer said, don't yell at me, English is not my native language.**_

_**This story have already 10 parts in French, and, I'm feeling sorry for those of us who couldn't read it in French.**_

_**So despite what could be said, I continued the translation.**_

_**Feel free to pass if it's too difficult to read or stop me...**_

_**BTW, this is the 3rd part, enjoy and feel free to comment!**_

_**Syd**_

**Part 3**

_**Somewhere in a plane above the Pacific - September 21st, 2012**_

Catherine had dozed off, and often when she was tired, she dipped back a few years behind, she lived, again again and again, this terrible day when Joe had joined her on the boat to explain her what had arrived, the ambush, the extraction which had badly turned, the deaths, the wounded persons. They knew due to what his colleagues had said that Steve had been hurt, that he hadn't managed to join one of the helicopters and that he had been captured.

And none of them had been able to say if his wounds were bad and if he was still alive.

They also knew that despite everything, he would remain dumb and it wasn't a good thing, he wouldn't tell them anything and Catherine knew that it was a bad end!

She had imagined a last chance mission, get back to save him by knowing pertinently that it was impossible and that their last date, a few weeks earlier, would stay the last one.

She felt a hand lingering over her shoulder, opened her eyes, it was just, "this" bad dream...

" Lt Rollins, we are going to land! "

She thanked the young ensign and fastened her seat belt. She was finally back home.

**H5-0**

_**Five-0 - HQ - At the same time.**_

Kono and Danny got ready to join Steve, they wanted to know if he was fine, but deep inside, they also wished to know what annoyed him. He wasn't feeling well, the tension was there and he was so silent!

They had hardly reach his office when the window flew into pieces. Steve was thrown behind and collapsed unconscious on the ground.

Kono and Danny flattened on the ground, but they had had the time to see that Steve had been hurt, he had probably taken a bullet in the shoulder, there was a small bloodstain on his T-shirt which was only getting bigger, and if they didn't intervene very quickly they preferred not to think of what could occur.

Kono took out her mobile and dialed Chin's number, he hadn't arrived yet, and he was the only one to be able to help them.

**H5-0**

_**Airport of Honolulu **_

Catherine shivered when she was out of the plane, nevertheless it was a pleasant day, the sun shone, there was no clouds in the sky, and the faintness that she felt became harder and harder to deal with, she switched on her phone, surprised, she saw that Steve had tried to join her, he had left a message, and when she heard it, her anxiety was only increasing.

**H5-0**

_**Five-0 - HQ**_

Chin didn't understand why Kono tried to join him while he was near the office, but when he heard her voice, he understood that something wasn't right, she quickly explained the situation by insisting on the fact that the shooter could always be in the surroundings, that Steve had been hit and that he had lost consciousness.

Suddenly, outside of his boss' office, Kono made an insane decision, Danny had seen it in her eyes, she got ready to make a thing that only Steve could do.

She needed to know if he was still alive, if he was fine, she had put her kevlar vest and she was ready to penetrate into the office when Danny stopped her.

Another shooting tore the air again and the bullet exploded the door of Steve's office in a myriad of small glass pieces. The violence of the impact made Steve back to consciousness, he jumped, lay down on the ground and thinks very fast. He had to hide himself, he was in a very bad situation, a few seconds of reflection and he found refuge under his desk, his shoulder had been hit and it hurt like hell.

Kono and Danny wasn't far away from him. He had to join them, and the only way to do that was exposing himself again.

He took a deep breath, Danny's voice took him out of his thoughts.

" Steve? "

" I'm good! "

" Liar! "

" I'm going to come to join you "

" No, no, no please, don't do anything stupid "

"Don't do anything stupid..."

But Danny knew that everything he would say would be...

" Steve no! "

Just after he stopped speaking, another shot was fired, and he saw his friend collapse just in his feet, he caught him, to put him under cover. Steve closed his eyes one moment, until Danny released his embrace. His face wrinkled, he put his hand beside him, under his shirt, it was covert with blood, another wound, and it was bad...

Danny shook his head: "What was difficult to understand in "Please don't do anything stupid " "?

His voice wasn't more than a rustle.

Steve held his breath, crossed Danny's glance, he had never seen his partner so worried...

It wasn't good...

A few seconds before, Danny didn't have the time to reflect nor to prevent what had arrived. In a fraction of a second, he had seen Steve getting up, going to the door, then another blow had been fired and Steve had collapsed in his feet, Danny had pulled him, then he had seen the lines of pain and the paleness of Steve's face and he had panicked.

Steve had tried to smile but failed, and then Danny had seen his hand under his shirt, and his stained blood fingers had only increased his terror...

He was afraid, really, really afraid!

A moment later, Steve closed his eyes, he took a deep breath then murmured: "I want you to tell something to Catherine... ", he lost consciousness before the end of his sentence.

Danny put his hand in his hair as he made it every time he was worried.

At that moment a phone rang, Kono understood that it was Steve's mobile, she took it in the pocket of his Jean's and showed it to Danny, they held their breath: Catherine.

TBC


	6. Chapter 4

_**Yep, this is the next part, hope that you'll enjoy it, and as always, be gentle with some of my faults.**_

_**Thanks for your reviews, I really appreciate them.**_

_**Enjoy!**_

**Part 4**

_**Honolulu Airport - Present Day.**_

As soon as the plane landed, Catherine decided to call back Steve, and she understood quickly that it wasn't him, answering his phone.

" Danny? "

He sighed. Catherine took a deep breath then murmured:

"What happens? "

He didn't answer her question, he kept the mobile in his hand, without being able to do something, Kono came to his help.

" Catherine... Cath... we are the targets of a sniper, Chin tries to manage the situation from the outside with the HPD and... Steve is badly hurt... "

Catherine closed her eyes a few seconds...

It wasn't fair...

A strange feeling of "déjà vu" had invaded her mind, a situation which she would never have wanted to revive again, not again.

Since the beginning of the day, she had felt that something wasn't right, she had had a bad feeling, a strange sensation...

**H5-0**

_**US ENTERPRISE - September 20th, 2006 - 6 years earlier...**_

An helicopter had just landed, from Annapolis, Lieutenant Commandant Joe White had wished to make a stop by the Pacific before joining another Aircraft Carrier in the middle of the Persian Gulf.

He intended to ask if Catherine can accompany him, in a last chance mission which would, maybe allow, the Lieutenant Commandant Steve McGarrett's return at home.

Catherine had been in charge of welcoming him, she knew him for a long time, since the school, since the 1st day she had met Steve.

The protocol would have wanted that she saluted him but Joe hugged her.

Steve was like a son for him, Catherine was her friend, her only friend, the one with whom he passed most of his time, she was a member of the family, his family.

If he was there, it wasn't a good sign, she knew that he had no news, she knew that John McGarrett had been informed, she knew that a rescue mission hadn't been planned, she also knew that they never left a man behind, that Steve's friends would make everything to get him back, at all cost, and she wasn't sure that she wanted to accompany Joe White in this mission.

She wasn't sure how to manage the pressure, how to manage the waiting, and more than anything, she wouldn't bear to lose him if the mission went wrong.

Joe White had had the agreement of her commander, she had packed hurriedly before joining him, they had to take the plane within two hours accompanied with Steve's friends, volunteers for a mission which she had qualified as a suicide!

**H5-0**

_**Five-0 - HQ - September 21st, 2012**_

Steve had opened his eyes and had shivered when Kono had opened his shirt to verify the state of his wounds.

She stopped: " I'm sorry... "

According to what she had seen, it was necessary to move him fast, Steve wouldn't hold on for a long time in his state, but the most important thing, right now, was to know why, today, they were in this situation and why Steve was aimed, she decided to question him.

"Would you have any idea on what's going on here?"

He got his mobile back, the one that she always held in her hand, strummed something above and showed her a message by saying: " The same one, the same date, since 5 years! "

She showed it to Danny, he could read - " You're a dead man! "

"I suppose that that must be connected to the mission in Iraq 6 years ago? "

And the usual answer wasn't a long time coming:

" I neither confirm nor deny".

He sighed: " It's classified, Kono"

"It was my first mission with the SEAL. "

He had already said too much.

" But what happened that day? "

Steve shook his head and put a hand on his friend's shoulder, she had understood, he wouldn't say anything anymore.

This day, something had happened, rather traumatizing, to force him to keep silent.

And he had continued a career which was, already at that time, more than impressive.

" Is it then possible to think that Catherine is in danger too? "

Steve had looked at her a little surprised: " No, we still arrange to never see each other in this period of the year! "

At Kono's surprise glance, he had murmured: " Precautionary Principle! " _(not sure if this expression exists in English)_

" Then we have a problem! "

" Why? "

" Catherine is here in Oahu "

" Cat is here? "

That had no sense, why had she returned?

And why today?

TBC


End file.
